So I've been thinking a lot about giving. The reason for this is not that I'm selfish or anything, but that I could DO more. All day long, the kids at school (and teachers, of course) harp on and on about how much white people suck. How much Americans in general suck. And I sit there and go, "Well, what are YOU doing to save the world from evil? Being negative?"

I'm started my own motha fuckin' movement. Well, kinda. I'm joining a movement I really believe in. A lot of people get mad and stuff when Bill Gates doesn't contribute to every charity. But he doesn't because he doesn't truly believe in that charity. I couldn't give to something I didn't 100% believe in.

My charity? Is this:



I went on FreeRice today, and there's a new banner that talks about how for the first time in history, we have over 1 billion people suffering from hunger.

</p>

I dunno. I am going to play FreeRice a lot more (You can also install a toolbar... every 5 searches is 2500 grains of rice!) and eventually when I have money, I'm going to donate on a regular basis. Yay!

I really believe in this so you should too.

Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

it is so cold in my house, I am becoming unable to freely move my phalanges.

if I had one night to live, I'd make sure all my few possessions and dollars went to good places.  And then I'd sit with Hayley and we'd talk.  I'd watch 7 pounds, and then I'd immediately think to donate all my organs, since I'm dying and all.  When that got set up, Id talk with Hay more.  Snuggle.  Depending on how much time we had left, I would either watch Up or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  I would harvest all my crops in farmville, pet my dog.  My last meal would be wild rice hot dish.  or chicken fetticini.  I will learn how to spell that.

And then I will go to sleep.

tags: last meal, last supper, writer's block

I need to be healthy because everything else is lacking when I can't sleep, move without coughing, or sing. at all.  I can talk but only with a lot of breaks between dependent clauses.

I want to just go to bed, but unfortunately I have shit to do and an appointment on tuesday to shed. unwanted. tissue. I'll miss you.

Woah Ani where did you come from?

Me:  I'm watching a romantic comedy and it's making me miss you!

Hay:  Let's live together!

Me:  :))

Hay:  I'm so sorry that I hurt you.

Me: I'm sorry too.

Hay: I love you.

Me: I love you too.

I was watching Law and Order SVU with my sister, and then someone came to the door.  Dad thought it was laurie, so he stood up and went to open it for her.  And then he was surprised and said.. "It's hayley!"  And I'm like what?  And he's like "It's hayley!"

:)

She stood on my doorstep and gave me flowers and pumpkin seeds and asked me to be her girl.

<3

(and I said yes) (after blushing a lot)

I've had two "better" days in a row.  As opposed to one "better" and one "awful," as my previous pattern has been.

what I miss:


-snuggling

-drives home in the Cadillac listening to Tegan and Sara

-being called cute and love all day

-calling someone cute and love all day

-Paco

-being unable to hug because we are laughing too hard because we keep thinking the other person is going to tickle us

she won't talk to me.



I can't do this.  I'm sick of people telling me I can.

we broke up.

annd

yeah.




We will always be partners, if not lovers.

I always forget that my favorite genre of sorts is the "coming of age" type until I read another one.  Then I'm like, "OH yeah!  Good stuff!"  The House On Mango Street is drop dead wow.  It is about a girl growing up in a Chicago Chicano ghetto.  It sounds like a true story.  Once in a while, I'd absentmindedly look at the front cover to see if the protagonist was really the author.  (but she isn't)  (but that means it's really good if I totally believed that shit and was fooled like more than once.)

It's a very quick read, but if you happen to pick this one up, you should consider reading it slower than you would a book normally.  It almost helped me read when I was in a crowded place, because I had to re-read things to understand them, due to distractions.  I missed a lot more meaning and material when I was in a quiet place.  I found that interesting.

My English teacher handed this book to me and told me I should read it.  And he was right.  He said I would like it because it has short sentences and is deeply poetic.  I love poems and I love short sentences.  He has me pegged.

Fantastic book.  Read it.


In other news, Regina Spektor is on SNL and I'm not watching it.  But we went to Best Buy today and she has a new cd.  Is she all popular and on the radio a whole bunch now?  Because if so, that makes me a little sad.  Just a little though.  If other people realize she's good, then that's good.

I read that book.  It took me a really long time to read it, because school started and I had to read Night by Elie Weisel (what a happy story!) and all my reading energy was being dealt around everywhere else, it seemed.  that was a run-on.  Anyway.

As a writer, I actually thought this book was kinda shitty.  I hardly have any experience, and here I am judging.  But really!  He did not follow the rule "show don't tell".  It's tough though, because he chose the world of Computer Programming, Biology, and nano-technology.  All mixed together.  Those all happen to be interests of mine, so I was on board.  But I'm sure to the average joe they'd be like WHAT.  So I suppose that Crichton had to do a lot of telling, because who the fuck knows blah blah blah.  hehe.

As a reader, this book was super cool.  It's kinda lengthy, but it was juicy enough that I didn't lose interest over the very broken 4 weeks I had this thing.  It is about this computer programmer guy who lost his job because he found some stuff out about his old boss and conspiracy, etc.  He's been out of work for 5 months and he is a stay at home dad.  His wife suddenly becomes strange and is acting like she's cheating on him.  Meanwhile, there is a billion things going on and a lot of people die and it's scawwy.

As a person, I was alarmed the entire time that book was in my backpack (or in my hands being read.)  I am SUCH a pussy.  You know that.  I can't handle anything.  So yeah.  But it's pretty decent.

Not bad.  It's not really rateable, so shove it.

lol

tags: astrology, horoscope, sign, stars, writer's block

Mom likes my comics.

Last night I had the most awful awful night. Very depressed and awful and icky and basically? forbidden. Yes Jen. You. Stop sucking and get yourself together.

That was crudely put.

This is my oath, written in wordz, that I will have a much better night, I will get things done but also enjoy myself, and I will go to bed happy and healthy of the mind.

Isn't that lovely?

:)

Well, this isn't very professional or anything, but I am assuming that every college class costs $6,000.  And so I am saving as much as I possibly can, considering living with parents (but will be rejecting that idea) and TRYING not to spend all my money at starbucks every day.  ha. haw haw!  that is a good one.

tags: financial future, intel, intel sponsors of tomorrow, writer's block

I, Cowpops R Esquire, will never ever be going to gay group again because it is a WASTE of my time, happiness, and peace.  I do not believe gaining respect from the disrespectful is showing prejudice right back.  You are no better than them.  I will NOT take your openly bashing christianity, and I will NOT take your openly bashing straight people.  Because you know what?  I am very goddamn spiritual (pardon my words for saying so..) and I am half straight.  So shut the crap up, take your little rainbows, and go be a hypocrite in someone else's life.










whew.  I feel so much better.  I can't even tell you.  never again.

I suppose I should have known..  I was walking to group today when I look on the pavement 4 inches from my feet and there's a pool of blood.  No joke.  It sort of looked like someone got their head bashed against a cement stair.  It was really gross and kind of alarming, I must say.

anyway.  take that, world!

One of my dad's best friends died last night.  Bob Carter.  He was one of the first people to hold me when I was born, one of the first people to ever listen to me.  He quit mixing alcohol and his meds because it was important to ME.  He has done so much for my dad and he has always been around.  He died of leukemia and pneumonia.  He was in his 40's.

I came home and my dad was home, which was weird.  Everyone was home.  Nobody greeted me when I walked in.  I was going to make a snide remark about that when Dad said "I have some bad news" and started to bawl.  When my dad cries, I cry too.  And he told me.  I am so upset.  I'm crying all over the place.  My poor dad.

Up until I was 9 I called him "Bob Tarter" because I couldn't say "carter".  And then after 9 I just kept calling him that because he liked it.

Rest in peace, Bob Tarter.

according to a facebook quiz, there is an 83% chance that I will go to jail.


It's funny, because 10 minutes before I was carefully studying all the laws and rules for driving, because I have a quiz in driver's ed tomorrow.  And I was sadly scolding my girlfriend for seeing nothing wrong with going 92 mph on the freeway on her FIRST trip on the freeway, mind you.  And openly being disappointed she could not go faster.


I must seem like such a prude to her.

this beat is fun.
this beat is sick.
I wanna take a ride
                             on your disco stick.